The Rat Race
On Mother’s Day, I feel the need to confess my sins. You see, I haven’t been a perfect mother. My children are now grown up and I’ve survived with my sanity almost intact. There were times when I loved them to bits and other times when I wanted to chop them into bits and flush them down the toilet. The only thing that stopped me was the effect on the plumbing bill.
At times a long jail term with meals provided looked rather attractive. I’ve been sad, mad, over-reactive, too soft and too hard. I do remember a brief period of ecstasy… for about five minutes after they were born. My children were part of a risky experiment and I was the scientist. I understand that these days they have computerized virtual rats and guinea pigs to do their tests on, but my poor children were the real thing. My youngest had a love affair with rats. She brought them home from Kindy for the holidays. She told me once that she loved them so much, she’d kissed them on the lips. Her rats reminded me of the worst kind of teenager. They smelt bad, ate like horses, and were always trying to reproduce. Later we talked more about the dangers of kissing human rats on the lips. But this Mother’s Day I’ll look at my four wonderful children, my heart will burst with love and pride, and I’ll thank God for each one of them.
Times have changed in parenting and one difference is this: In my parenting days, I would buy some disinfectant, a bath cleaner and a bottle of bleach. When the kids were babies, I had muslin cloths for their faces and their bottoms and ripped-up nappies for vomit catchers. Now there are special wipes (throw away of course) and a nappy bag full of creams and potions to keep baby pristine and non-stinking. At all costs the public must never know that babies have bodily functions—at least not ones that can’t be masked in an artificial scent. For the house, there are cleaners for the bathroom, different cleaners for the kitchen, lemon scented floor wipes, and scented garbage bags. A spray-on shower cleaner promises you’ll never have to scrub again. This little breakthrough in hygiene only costs five times the price of a basic cleaner. Tissues are immersed in aloe-vera or eucalyptus, and toilet paper with lavender or gardenia. As for the toilet, cleaners are coloured blue to make it look like the tranquil waters of the Pacific. If that isn’t enough, you can buy a toilet duck to go around the bend on your behalf. I remember as a child, my Mum carried a supply which is now out of fashion. She had an almost inexhaustible supply of spit. I’ve carried on the legacy. Honestly, it can clean just about anything.
Frances
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