Jesus as your Husband
The ugly truth behind relationships, and God’s original plan for them. This is my own journey from dependency on a toxic relationship to dependence on Christ, and the process of accepting Jesus as my husband.
“Mr ******, you are hereby sentenced to six years imprisonment for being found guilty of blah blah blah…” the courtroom began to fade to black and my legs turned to jelly. And this wasn’t even my prison sentence! It would have been easier if it had been mine. Shock set in as I watched my partner being led away to begin his lag (jail sentence).
Living on the dark side with a hole in my heart was problematic. Every time my partner went to jail, I felt like my world was sucked into a gigantic black hole, leaving only festering pain in its wake, and an empty shell of a person who people called Janet. Without him, I had no purpose, meaning or reason for getting through the bare necessities of life – never mind find inspiration for doing anything creative or fulfilling. The circumstances may differ from person to person, but the more people I meet, the more I realize this is a common issue for many. However, this concept is inherently flawed and sets us up for failure every time. Women, in particular, seem to look to their man for their happiness and purpose. I know. I was that girl. I know first-hand how overpoweringly strong and all-consuming the need to find ‘Mr Right’ to ‘complete me’ can be. Trouble is, no man (not even the seemingly best one) can possibly fulfill that role.
Between relationships, I was literally on the prowl for a new man to make me happy and to be my world. With the eyes of a predator I surveyed any given selection of males, rifling them down to a short-list in just a few seconds. You know what I mean… hypothetically speaking, of course! Lol. But many of us have seen this feral behaviour even when the person is sure they’re doing their best to hide it. I couldn’t just be at peace and get on with the things I enjoyed doing, making the most of the gifts God had given me. It seems so tragic, even lame, until I found out why. There’s a very good reason for woman’s ingrained hunger for validation from man instead of God.
Genesis 3:16
Before the fall of Adam and Eve, they walked and talked with God and enjoyed joint-rule in the Garden. They looked to Him for their spiritual and emotional fulfillment, not each other – they simply complemented, helped and enjoyed each other. Then Eve believed Satan’s lies, ate the forbidden fruit and sucked Adam into doing the same, causing the fall of man and womankind. After cursing the serpent God said to the woman, “I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; in pain you shall bring forth children; your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.”
The notes in my Bible (NIV) explain it well…
The Desire of the Woman: Women in God’s Design. Satan had struck at the core of God’s design. Both Adam and Eve had turned to their own way. Genesis 3:16 is the ‘Achilles’ heel of woman-her greatest stumbling block and the root of most dysfunctional behaviour women have in relationships with men. Fallen, leaning to her own understanding, Eve’s “desire” was now for her husband. “Shall be” (not in the original text) can make God’s words sound like a command; but God is actually warning her against a tendency to make her relationship with her husband, rather than her relationship with God, her primary reference point.
As a result, the man might (either inadvertently or intentionally) rule over her emotionally. In that case, her value, significance and security would then hinge on the man’s response to her. Too easily, she might look to him for her life, when God wanted her deepest longing (and thereby her effectiveness) to hinge on Him. Within marriage, this guideline to assure the women’s adequacy and worth will not and should not lead to independence or rebellion. Rather, it opens the way to the fullest joy of her voluntary submission in the freedom in the true relationship God intended for husband and wife (Gen 2:23, 24/Gen 21:12).
Your desire shall be for your husband most likely infers that, remembering their joint-rule in the Garden, she would desire to dominate her husband.
Since we so often see the negative manifestation of the next verse, “And he shall rule over you,” I will also share what my Bible reference notes say on this:
He shall rule over you asserts the divine assignment of the husband’s servant/leader role. There is no evidence that this was ever intended as a diminishing of the woman’s person or giftedness, but rather as a redemptive role assigned the husband toward the wife as a means toward reinstating the original partnership. It does assign husbandly responsibility for leadership in the marriage relationship. See Eph. 5:22-33.
When I decided to follow Christ, the intense need to find a husband and a father figure for my son remained unchanged, although it had superficially become a little more civilized; “I’m letting Jesus do the looking.” But in reality, the intensity of the desire was undimmed. After I finally stopped waiting for the ex to clean up his act and get with the programme, I turned my focus to “letting Jesus do the looking.” But I was still consumed with helping Him, in case He missed something!
Years went by, largely wasted in terms of Jesus return on investment in my life, eg. actual fruit; because my focus was not on what God was actually asking me to do. In fact, I was still so bad that he had to be quite blunt – almost rude. One day he gave me a prophetic word through someone. “Nothing is going to happen for you in this area until you accept Jesus as your husband – then you will be like royalty to Me.” In fact the thought of being royalty to God made having an earthly husband pale in comparison. So that became my quest. To hear that journey, check out my podcast, “Allowing Jesus to be your Husband or Father”.
The Wild Side book launch, Kawerau, March 2016
It took a few years, but I finally and fully accepted Jesus as my husband, and He filled the hole in my heart. I found peace and total fulfillment. I was free. Free to say, “What did You want me to do for you again?”
He said, “The BOOK!”
I smiled, “Oh yes, the book…”
And so The Wild Side finally got started which is bringing help and hope to many stuck in dysfunctional lifestyles and addiction. God wants us to be free, and get on with what it is we are here for. Doing his sacrifice justice and making every day count. He has given each of us a purpose and a unique set of gifts to achieve that purpose. And the world is waiting.
Blessings,
Janet xox
Visit janetbalcombe.com to learn more about my books, blogs or to connect with me.
Other sites to visit and see what I’m up to are: wildsidetrust.org, wildsideministries.com and wildsidedesign.net
